thank you kelly rae

'we simply cannot be armored and connected at the same time.'

Like so many other people, I've never been really good at receiving kindness. Correction. I'm pretty good at receiving kindness, but not so good at really truly deeply feeling the kindness that's been extended. You know how it goes. Someone gives you an awesome compliment and you shrug it off. Someone thanks you for the work you do in the world and you politely thank them while at the same time wondering if you really deserve the kindness. A friend sends a thoughtful birthday gift and you casually thank them for the sweet gesture while going about your day. We are, of course, thankful for the kindness, but in our heart of hearts, do we truly feel the full breath of gratitude by receiving that compliment, that gift, that kindness in the spirit in which it was graciously given? Or do we unconsciously lessen the connection to our gratitude, perhaps because we're too busy, exhausted? Or perhaps we don't really think we're worthy, that we deserve what's been offered? Whatever the case, the connection to the giver gets lessened when we, the receiver, aren't fully able to receive with our whole hearts - when we can't, for whatever reason, accept kindness in the spirit in which it was given.

This was totally how I used to operate. I was always generally thankful, but I would never really allow myself to absorb gratitude with my whole heart. Why? I think I was so stubborn and independent that it was hard for me to allow others to nurture my tender pieces. When someone did offer up their kindness, I took it, but I kept it at bay, never really allowing the connection to feel rich.

What I'm learning, more than ever, is that the spirit of which kindness is offered is the beginning of a connection. To fully honor that kindness, we have to be willing to let our armor go and close the connection by really allowing ourselves to receive with our cracked open hearts. Because when our hearts are open or cracked, there is room for love and kindness to rush in. Because kindness has the power to transform and heal. Because in the end, we are so worthy of every bit of kindness extended our way. Let's celebrate it, acknowledge it, and open up our lives toward its direction.

(thoughts by kelly rae roberts at kind over matter.)