perchance to dream

all is quiet in the house this morning. a lovely sound to hear. it means darling daughter/momma and the little one are asleep. but I have to say I've never seen sleep deprivation look so beautiful.

yesterday morning I came into the living room to see both of my darlings curled up on the sofa. him, the little bundle of joy, in that delightful fanny-up-in-the-air pose, fast asleep on her chest. tv on low. she told me they spent the night watching 'saved by the bell' reruns. how that brought back memories of when she and I knew the midnight to six am television schedule. how much I missed the bliss of sleep. but more so how much I loved that quiet time between her and I. holding. nursing. rocking. watching. nothing more beautiful that a child and momma can share.

there is plenty of time to sleep. catching up is the easy part. for now. hold on tight.

'aside from new babies, new mothers must be the most beautiful creatures on earth.'

wait for it ...

busy day today. a few things to do to get ready for our trip to grandparent heaven tomorrow. seeing the little one for the first time. joy. happiness. oh so much love. holding on tight to every precious moment.

'every now and then, when the world sits just right, a gentle breath of heaven fills my soul with delight ...'

story time

one benefit of being unemployed? today I spent the entire morning reading. curled up on the sofa (amidst the hum of the painters spraying ... so close yet so far from finished) I simply could not put down the guernsey literary and potato peel pie society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Anne Barrows. these days my library card is wearing thin. and I am reaping. wallowing in. utterly captivated by. the benefit of a good read.

I mentioned a post or hundred ago that I was never much of a reader. a friend showed me the error of my ways with an introduction to Cannery Row. and since then books have lulled me to sleep. taken me away. brought me back to reality. unnerved me. perplexed me. soothed me. and I am ever so thankful for the mental diversion. escape. vacation. vicarious opportunity to see life through another's words. pure joy.

'reading well is one of the great pleasures that solitude can afford you.'

enough already

I think it is time, long past due, to put our differences aside. it is each and everyone of our responsibility. work together. live together. clean up the mess. and move forward. true in every walk of life. every calling and cause. every side of the coin. each and every moment. can we all just get along? such a naive statement you might think. but seriously folks, how hard should it be?

let time heals all wounds. let love conquer all. patience is a virture. play nice.

so much energy is wasted on the hate. on the bad. on the negative. on the what is good for me alone. it's unhealthy. tiresome. nonproductive. time spent on fear breeds fear. saps the happy. all together now ... let's take a deep breath and let go.

life is short. love (in every definition) is big.

how hard is it to be positive (okay, so it is hard sometimes but not impossible. undeserving. and oh so rewarding). lean to the trustworthy. give the benefit of the doubt. start with a little compassion. understanding. kindness. start right now.

'sometimes someone says something really small, and it just fits right into this empty place in your heart.'

'the time has come,' the Walrus said

I talk of many things. random thoughts. obscure notions. there is much that inspires me. nourishes me. refreshes me. I pray. often. from a simple thank you. to in depth conversations on a variety of subjects. hopes. dreams. worries. gratitude. I am very thankful. blessed. fortunate. loved.

I know God isn't on any social network. but some days in His infinite wisdom and caring I know He talks with me. He speaks to me. and does want me to know. like this morning on my daily message from a Facebook site with the same name ...

On this day of your life, Susan, we believe God wants you to know ... that when events happen which seem catastrophic, it is not only possible, but very important for you to allow yourself to come to a place of calmness. Panicking serves no one - not yourself, not the people who are suffering, and not the planet. Allow yourself to trust that there is a larger purpose and that it may not be necessary for you to know that purpose at this time. Allow yourself to have faith that ultimately, all will be well. (from God wants you to know)

I have been struggling a bit with some recent developments in my life. not catastrophic by any means. not really setbacks. but changes that have left me a bit low (yet some so high - like becoming a grandmother - that my feet don't touch the ground) and I have felt the need to step back. away from it all to reconsider. so when a message comes along that seems pointed in my direction. I take notice. I learn. I suppose it is like a horoscope. you take the meaning personally. I cherish each and every of the many things where I have found reassurance. they continue to give me wings (it is up to me to flutter or fly). kind words. expressions of possibility. hope. all serve me well. remind me to choose love. not fear baby. thank you One and all.

'be still. and know that I am.'

it's a boy

last night. 29 days ahead of schedule. a beautiful baby boy was born. he is perfect albeit a bit impatient. darling daughter is doing great and proud papa is over the moon. the hubs and I are bursting with pride. joy. love.

'a hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you.'

seeker. searcher. possibilitarian.

had lunch with my dear friend E today. she is so good for me. my counsel. my shoulder. my grace.

we talked of many things. but especially of what to do when we grow up. not grow old. to rediscover ourselves. not reinvent. to matter. to care. to contribute.

with my job hiatus I am seeking a new venture. one that tugs at my creative side. I have some ideas. and a lot of questions. paths to try. flowers to pick. but the beauty of it all is that I have time. and energy. hope. enthusiasm. faith. and friends.

'God hides things by putting them all around us.'

just saying

(courtesy of [i]love life)

my heart is full right now. beating madly. full of emotion.
searching. discovering. restless. seeking. content.

home again home again

jiggity jig.

had a lovely visit in LA. talked. laughed. ate. showered. ate. played. ate. ate.
yesterday was the 35/35 mark before grandparenthood. 35 weeks along. 35 days to go. times flies. it was odd to think that next time we visit then there will be three (er, four. must include the furry one).

now back home. sweet home. to a house that is, mildly put, a disaster. dust covers everything. construction materials and boxes adorn each room. but the cabinets are in and looking lovely. so I can say the end of the world as we know it (building-wise) is nigh.

my little world is changing in other ways as well. I am not working part-time anymore. but on-call. as needed. but still wanted, she says. trying to be optimistic and upbeat about it, but am feeling a bit out-of-sorts. I so loved my job and the folks, my 'family', there. in the near future, if not called to duty, I need to re-employ. I am not one to sit and twiddle. but I am also not one to want to work full time. those days and that energy are past. so I may start browsing the want ads. wanted: a job that lets me work two days a week. pays really well. allows days off at a whim. with a 3-minute commute. should be no problem. oy. I am so spoiled.

so that is my life. happy. just in a bit of limbo right now. but on the right path.

'be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars.'