and the answer is ...

I am thinking out loud today. just rambling really. but need to talk to myself and anyone out there listening.

I am tired. I am tired of questioning myself and facing innuendos. I am tired of being accused and ignored. I am tired of incurring the rath of some and the indignation of others. I take responsibility for my mistakes. no one is perfect – least of all me. I cannot name all my faults and inadequacies. but along with the responsibility is an acceptance of the gifts I have to share. there is an indescribable happiness in my life. I am loved. I am blessed. my heart is full and giving. I am good. I will not apologize for being me.

we are human and cannot forget pain or heartache easily. we hold onto it. nurture it. keep the wound open. I get that. I’ve been there. but the question I want to ask is – and in actuality scream from the mountaintop – why do we? we love each other so intensely. so thoroughly. so deeply. why can we not concentrate on the love. dismiss the fear where love is involved. if we looked inside ourselves we would see that there is nothing to fear. there is no threat. the love is there for the keeping. and equally ours to throw away – push away. the love is there reaching out for you to grab hold of – hang onto. it is our own proud decision to pull away or let go. give up a little pride and choose to be happy. accept an apology. embrace what you have.

faith teaches us to forgive. so let’s practice what we preach. forgive me. forgive yourself (that means accepting that part of the problem may be you). move forward. you can choose to forgive or punish. the question is who are you really punishing?

my no negativity friend, watermusic, wrote last week ‘when I sit in the stillness of now I am none of the things that I think I am or am afraid to be. I simply am, a child of God, whole and enough. there are no dragons to slay, no wrongs to be righted, no windmills to tilt at. there are no enemies.’ as crazy as it sounds this unknown blogging friend has helped open my eyes, unburden my heart, choose wisely.

‘so choose. it’s either fear or love baby. I’m choosing love. what about you?’