hello Tuesday

'if not now ... when?'

what an interesting question. statement. realization. idea. theory. generalization. wonder. meditation. and in truth, fact.

I have a laundry list of things to-do. a mile long and growing. a wish list. a bucket list. a 'when I win the lottery' list. but the list I don't have is 'get off your duff and do it' list. when I started this new year I had several things to accomplish. (if you remember from January 4th's 'dear self' post) and I steadily chip away at those items. but things get in the way. phone calls not returned make me procrastinate. obstacles in my way make me weary. stubborness on my part makes me trite. self doubt makes me apprehensive. and have been thinking lately what the hey! why ask why? turn up your doing dial and get it done. stop making excuses. take charge.

and so today I did. I took at step in a direction I've been a bit scared to face. and I am feeling pretty darn good about the decision. tomorrow I am meeting with my friend T to work out our plan to overcome the hurdles for the volunteer gig we are interested in. I have started back on my shred. I am feeling more positive about myself and choices I can make. understand that it is okay to be selfish sometimes and say what about me? realize that happiness is contagious.

so I have choosen. it's fear or love baby. and love always wins.

'when I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent (or strength or want) left, and could say, "I used everything you gave me."'