black Friday

I am trying to deal with being selfish today. it is one of the worst feelings I know. when I get this way I try to rationalize it. explain it. defend it. and then I feel even more self-centered. so I should just embrace it. let it sink in. deal with it. and let it go.

it is in the processing that I have problems. I try to think through why I am feeling this way. what set it off. why does it disturb me. how can I resolve it. and I go back to the vicious circle of thinking why do I have to solve it. it isn't all about me. there are other factions involved. why can they not contribute. but truthfully, when it is all said and done ... it IS all about me. not in a selfish way. but in finding a solution.

a friend told me this morning that I should not choose the fear, but love baby. to practice what I preach. very true. but I don't see the fear in my selfishness today. but whether or not it is fear, love is the answer. conquers all as they say.

I will take how I am feeling and do something positive with it (she says optimistically). not sure what at this moment. but I must be experiencing this downside for a reason. if not purely for self-reflection. I must garner strength for a good look-see inside me. dust the cobwebs out of my head. snap out of it. and step forward.

I usually end my post with a quote. but as I was looking for one to use this by Oscar Wilde slapped me upside the head ... 'selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live.'

eating humble pie. thank you Oscar.